I have a question for you. Which Wolf Wins?
There’s an old story about two wolves.
I first heard this story years ago from a friend of mine, who happened to have just gotten a tattoo that asked Which Wolf Wins?
Her and I play on the same ball team, and we were both sitting there one day on the bench when I looked over and saw her new tattoo on her arm.
My immediate reaction was “Wow, cool tattoo. What does it mean?”
She said it was related to an old Indigenous story, which she then proceeded to tell me.
A grandfather said to his grandson “A fight is going on inside of me. It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf is evil — he is anger, envy, greed, arrogance, resentment, lies and ego.”
“The other wolf is good — he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
“These wolves are fighting inside me.”
Wide-eyed, the grandson asks his grandfather, “Grandfather, which wolf will win?”
The grandfather simply replied, “Grandson, the one I feed, the one I feed.”
Hearing that story from my friend has had a profound impact on my life.
To me, this story is about leadership and the choices we have each and every day.
We all have this same fight going on inside all of us. These wolves are inside of us.
Which Wolf Wins? It’s your choice which wolf you feed.
I’m reminded of a quote often attributed to Viktor Frankl who wrote Man’s Search for Meaning, which was his memoir about his life in a Nazi death camp. He said:
Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space lies your freedom and power to choose your response.
In those responses lie your growth and your happiness.
Again, Which Wolf Wins? What response are you choosing?
There always seems to be the fight of good versus evil, love versus hate, positive versus negative, our light versus our darkness. It’s a duality, or a polarity if you will.
Life and leadership is all about experiencing the full spectrum of these dualities and polarities with the opportunity to choose love again and again and again.
As leaders we are in a position to model behaviors for others to emulate. It takes a lot of work to consistently choose love again and again and again. I have two tips for you.
First, start with self-compassion. Without self-compassion for yourself you won’t be able to have full compassion for others.
Choose the good wolf for yourself. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
Offer understanding and kindness to yourself when you fail or make mistakes or are having a difficult time. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a stiff upper lip mentality, stop to comfort and care for yourself in that moment.
A great resource for self-compassion is the work done by Dr. Kristin Neff.
My second tip is to be mindful of which wolf you are feeding because a lot of the time it might not be so apparent. Be curious about the choices you are making. And reflect on your choices. And don’t forget to tell yourself the truth.
Let me use a past election in the United States as an example. I saw people choosing the evil wolf all the while thinking they are choosing the good wolf. Instead of criticizing or judging opponents harshly, such as, thinking that Trump is an idiot, why not use that space instead to say something nice about Biden. It is within these responses where our growth and our happiness can be found.
Which Wolf Are You Feeding? Think of this choice as a leadership style that you are choosing to emulate. And keep choosing love, again and again and again.
SOURCE: https://self-compassion.org.
© Brooke Somers (2022)
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